The Self-Psychology Conversation
You only need two chairs to start being happy.
Two small chairs and a simple chat.
And 5 minutes to read this.
To many people happiness is something that lies outside them even though they don’t feel it inside them. It’s a paradox few spot.
If you want INspiration and INsight and happINess, you have to go inside. If you’re merely stuck or looking to fine tune your life it won’t hurt like surgery or require months of couch therapy talking about your Mother or wayward Father.
But, it may well help you understand why you, and you alone, have only been one short conversation away from great peace of mind.
**Please note – This exercise is NOT and never should be taken as a replacement for proper and full therapy with a qualified practitioner. Should you feel you have any deep seated problems or painful issues they should ALWAYS be tackled with professionals in the field**
Grab a chair
Or two to be more precise; ordinary dining or kitchen chairs.
Place them about 3 or 4 feet apart in a cleared space as you will need to be able to get up and move around to swop chairs without any obstacles.
Now, the purpose of this exercise is to meet your own inner critic. The ‘person’ inside who has taken on everyone else’s advice – bad opinions about your life, criticisms, must and should nots, and personal passion killings, who subtly influences you every day – the often unheard voice who whispers to your mind.
The critic that is shutting down your show with constant bad reviews.
Again, REMEMBER, if you know you have any burning issues or old areas of conflict you should approach therapists to have proper, monitored sessions one-to-one. This is for those who are generally OK but want to be happier or seem unable to get to the next level in their life.
Face yourself
Let the conversation begin!
YOU are going to play both roles, be both people in the dialogue. Because it’s you that’s holding your life up.
I want you to think of a situation where you feel held back. Somewhere that perhaps has never worked, never happened, or never come together for you. Something that remains a block to better days.
Maybe your relationships haven’t quite hit the mark or you’ve flitted from job to job with no level of satisfaction. Or it might be a ‘raw nerve’ scenario like money and finances that forever seem to be under the weather.
Chose the main culprit and have a word…with yourself.
Select one seat to be you now, today, and the other will be your critic within you who knows how to question, complain, diminish your plans, and undermine any efforts you make to change things for the better.
Now, face it, talk it out, discover what your self-saboteur is up to.
The truth is out!
Start a conversation on your frozen situation. Share your feelings about what is going on and what you’ve gone through with it as you sit on one chair. Speak to your ‘other self’ on the other chair.
Now, switch seats and become the critic, the witholder who holds you back. Be them, say what they think, let them have free reign to tell you the truth from their perspective; why you don’t deserve to succeed or their worries over you.
Every few minutes at natural points in the conversation keep switching places to play both roles until, eventually, magically, somehow, you will uncover the nugget at the heart of the holdback. The reason why your love life has sucked or your desire to live by the sea just a distant wish.
You will find what you’ve decided deep down is the ‘best’ for you that’s actually, in reality, making your life miss a key ingredient you need and want.
One comment, one viewpoint, a fear or projected disaster that lurks in your mind will come to the surface and finally you can face it and politely tell it that it’s not true.
To uncriticise yourself.
Go be happy
When all is revealed, when the minor nuisance has light shed on it, you can re-set it.
You can order your mind to forget it and re-adjust your emotions to sense a more positive outlook.
You are returning to your hopes and wishes again. Allow yourself to go be happy. You’ve waited long enough.
All it takes is two chairs, one person, and a simple chat with yourself and your hidden critic to help make everyone friends again and everyone on your side and pulling for the team.
Team Dream!
For more information read this very interesting article in The Daily Mail.
Have you ever had a word with yourself? Have you sat yourself down for a stern chat as much as you do with any other person? Perhaps you’ve tried something similar to this exercise? What self-psychology have you attempted?
Image courtesy of jcoterhals
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I like this and what a unique idea! Taking the time to actually face “you” in a detached way to get to the root of what is really going on. Many of us do this with others, but taking the time to do it for us is freeing…
Well we often talk to ourselves Kenya so why not do it properly and productively like this?
> miss a key ingredient you need and want
Finding those missing ingredients is a powerful thing.
And I think we know what they are JD – but only if we ask!
When I was working as a pscyhologist I had clients do this. I believe it’s a Gestalt technique. It always blew my mind how effective it was.
Effective, freeing, and releasing Tess, I found it worked wonders!
This. Is. Brilliant.
I actually used a very similar technique in my intuitive business that I got from a colleague, however what we did was in meditation and more like having a conversation between your higher self and your good old self down here (ego). I suspect that the way you set this up will get at the exact same thing but will be easier for people to understand and relate to.
The self, mental, higher, or plain emotional, is one we would be wise to fully explore and communicate with Julie. When we come together I find life soon follows!
I enjoyed how you’ve highlighted the “in” in the words “inspiration”, “insight” and “happiness”. It’s truly an insight job. Thanks for sharing the steps to talking with our inner critic! It’s very useful!
They do INstigate INcredible results Evelyn when we get INto ourself.
John,
As you say, “If you want INspiration and INsight and happINess, you have to go inside.” I really love how you put this. Most peoples problems stem from a lack of clear self-awareness. When we don’t have self-knowledge and a clear understanding of what we want and why we want it, decision making becomes very difficult. We all need a check up from the neck up at times.
Like that Joe; “A check up from the neck up”. But we’re also more than our head too – we’re all beautiful bits inside and body wise and I agree self-awareness is the key to life mastery more than anything else.
Wonderfully empowering exercise John. Self talk is a healthy, and effective way to become centered and to explore what is living under the surface of our daily thoughts and actions.
Thanks for suggesting,
Alex
Alex, I firmly believe we’re not as deep (for that read confusing) as people percieve, but if you only touch the shallow you’ll never know. A simple self-chat can sort out that!
That’s a powerful exercise, John. If we look deeply enough, we discover that most of our unsolvable problems stem from one core problem, and when we find the core problem – we discover “it is me!” For me, Walt Whitman sums it up brilliantly in one sentence: “You have not knows what you are, you have slumbered upon yourself all your life.” Thanks for sharing this.
True Rob that on most occasions we are both the problem and the solution. In this exercise you get to experience what each side is like. And fix it!
This is very interesting. I am going to have to try it. Although, I am not sure how good I will be at it. I think it will allow me to really think out my thoughts. The trick here for me will be doing this before something really upsets me. Sometimes I don’t think through what is bothering me, once I explode and look back I realize how silly it really was. Hmmm. Thanks for sharing.
Perhaps the explosion Meg is because you have a voice inside that gets so unheard it has to burst out some way to get your attention. Trying this duel conversation may lead to an altogether calmer result and more understood ‘you’.