How An 82yr Old Widow Beats The Blues
I got the call while searching my new life.
My house buyers were pulling out at the 11th hour of the 11th hour.
Just as I was excitedly looking for a new home, new community, new work, and a new start in the glorious New Forest region of the UK, the estate agent had to deliver the bad news.
My dreams have been put on hold.
It’s put me under sudden financial pressure and roadblocked all the well laid plans made for the next 6 months.
First I was annoyed, then I was bothered, and finally I settled on disappointed meaning I left for the trip back rather flat and feeling sorry for myself.
Then I met my 82 year old widowed aunt.
She lives hundreds of miles from me and the trip to the South had enabled me to drop by for the evening. It knew I would enjoy spending time with her, but I never knew I would suddenly, and unexpectedly, learn so much.
I arrived on a downer, and left on a tenacious high.
82 yr old positivity
As the night went by my auntie recounted her life and we spoke about the many family occasions over the years and all that had happened. It was then, without meaning to, she taught me how she beat the blues and, despite her circumstances, how she loves life still feeling she has so much more to live for.
> Barely had she retired than her husband, my uncle, developed Parkinson’s disease. She nursed him at home and then went every day for 5 years to his care home until he died. She was in a widow in her 60′s just as they should be enjoying life together. Her response: She said her goodbyes and focused ONLY on all the people she loves being with and all the activities that make her happy NOW. (She actually has a busier social life than me and half the people my age!).
> Finances were, and still remain, very tight. No luxuries for her bar some flowers for the garden and the odd weekend with her brother, her food bought in the cheapest supermarkets and made to last. She never has a holiday or buys new clothes. Her response: She’s grateful for her home and garden and says her friends she meets every day for a cup of tea and a chat are worth more than money can buy or a new fridge.
> Health has begun to deteriorate. Due to a bad hip she never left her house for 2 years and her chest is now playing up and possibly her lungs are worsening. Her response: She got a hip replacement happy to wait as long as it took as she would be back on her feet again and takes regular breaks when out and about when she gets out of breath or, as he says, “Nothing is stopping me from going out. NOTHING!”. It’s what she can do not what she used to be able to do.
> In the last few years some of her friends have died as well as family (my late Mum was her sister), others have moved away, and her daily circumstances have altered, so she often spends more time alone. Her response: She refuses to be maudlin. She believes she has potentially twenty years more in her and to think negatively is going to diminish that. Her thoughts are fixed only what makes her happy or she likes (she loves TV soaps – I had to be quiet for 30 mins as one was on when I visited).
> NOW THE BIG ONE. Her life has been hard coming from rural Ireland with nothing and having to work for all her life in lesser paid jobs including 15 hr days just to make ends meet and also discovering her and her husband couldn’t have children. Her response: What’s done is done, you can’t change it or go back so make the best of things. Everything could change for the better any day but, if it doesn’t, accept the situation and stop fretting and thinking about it. Get on and do what has to be done.
I have to admit the few hours in her company were sobering. Without realising I had adopted a ‘poor me’ attitude which she soon snapped me out of. I have plenty I can do about it, not to mention that the problem could be only temporary. She’s had to face and deal with a whole host of permanent issues over her life and always kept smiling and living life to her fullest.
Now it’s my turn. She’s passed the baton to me.
Get on with things John, stop feeling sorry for yourself, knuckle down and find ways to solve short term hassles so that long term happiness can begin to show itself.
It’s what you do to beat the blues. Especially if you’re an 82 yr old widow with no money, an ailing body, and an undying spirit to experience life every single day even if it’s just a favourite TV show. That will do.
But I’m not, I’m younger. I’ve got all my life ahead of me so why worry over one detour on the road? One tiny ‘road closed’ sign?
It’s part of the journey.
One which lead me to her door and sent me on my way with wisdom and inspiration that made me feel more energised and more determined that I had in years.
An 82 year old changed my life. Not to go conquer mountains, but to cease making mountains out of the smallest of molehills in the first place.
I live to fight another day, if I fight on this one. Fight to be realistic, that is!
Has an older person or relative taught you a big life lesson? What did they teach you? How has elder wisdom pointed you in the right direction?
***PS: The header picture isn’t of my Auntie. She would hate to have her picture here as she’s “just an ordinary old woman”!!!
Image courtesy of hannanik
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this post Gave me hope and made me believe that aging is not a bad thing
thank u John
We can’t do anything about aging Farouk but we can change what it means to us.
Hi John
I have a couple of elderly people in my life that I regularly visit for exactly those reasons (it doesn’t hurt I am also very fond of them). It does help us to see old age in a better perspective and takes the focus off our latest problem-of-the-century challenge
Riley
Old people are too often viewed as weak, feeble, and without full lives but I bet you’ve also seen Riley how old can be gold when the mind looks forwards to life and nothing else.
With age comes profound wisdom John. Your aunt is not only an inspiration to you, but to all of us who are still learning to see the positive in every situation.
Glad to hear you are still fighting for yourself – you are worth it.
Alex
Bless you Alex, my auntie gave me a direct lesson in holding my head up for another day which could be the next one. Life is full of surprises!
Ah John a lovely read. My mum is like that, when things knock me down I pop around for a chat and before you know it she has put life in perspective. Old people are lovely and often have a few inspirational stories to share. Well done keep the positive spirit in you.
Marion
Glad you have your Mum always there for some inspiration injection Marion – we all need someone to life our spirits with a kind word or wise head.
John,
What an inspiring story. Wisdom from our elders is an undiscovered mine of infinate possiblity that you happened to tap into. I am moved by the insight your aunt was able to share with you. We all are blessed to have read about your experience. Thanks for sharing this.
Most kind Frank, thank you. Modern life reveres the ancient world and what above most did the ancients believe and trust? – the wise insight of elders. We’d all do well today to revoke that practice.
What a great story JOHN! This 82 year old woman focuses on only the people she loves being with and the ones that love her. Very heart warming indeed. This reminds me of that Wayne dyer story of the old woman who was blind, and was shown her room. It was brand new and all. When the attendant asked her why she was so happy, because she couldn’t see the room. She said, ” it not how the room is arranged. It about how i arrange the thoughts in my mind. Happiness is something you choose before hand.”
Brilliant story, great comment Jonathan, can’t beat that for truth!
John, your aunt sounds like a beautiful wonderful person, and it seems like she has discovered her own meaning of life. She’s had stresses, troubles, dilemmas and frustrations, but so does everyone. What separates her from most others, are her reactions to these negative times.
We always have a choice as to how we to react to problems. That, only we can do, and we have total responsibility for this. No-one else is to blame
We can either put up and shut up and get on with life Stuart, or whinge and moan and feel enormous self-pity. I know which one I am choosing thanks to an 82 year old!!
“Her response: What’s done is done, you can’t change it or go back so make the best of things. Everything could change for the better any day but, if it doesn’t, accept the situation and stop fretting and thinking about it. Get on and do what has to be done.”
Do what has to be done. That’s the only thing you have to worry about. What has to be done?
Something I read somewhere, I give due credit when I can remember: Look back briefly (for lessons, experience) but don’t stare back.
What has to be done is what’s right in front of you to get by Matt. Forget any potential future, do what needs facing now and let the future take care of itself (except you may well be building the future doing this). Love the ideology: look back briefly, but don’t stare back (…..or stay there!).
I just love reading about inspiring older people. I think we need to listen to their wisdom and wish the media allowed more of the older generations to appear on TV especially in the U.S. I like her comment, “What’s done is done and you can’t go back to change things.”
We tend to write older people off but they are oracles on how to get through life so they should be celebrated and encouraged Sonia, I agree. When we need sound advice they’re the first person we turn to and what they say is usually spot on the money. Making their wisdom priceless.
John,
I think you could have a book with the wisdom from your Aunt. Older adults are so wise and we tend to give them so little time and attention. My biggest teacher was my mom. When we were kids working long hours on the family farm she taught us how to sing songs to pass time, how to have contests on who could find the biggest strawberry or raspberry. We had hand me down clothes and she used to say “it’s not the way you look, it’s the way you feel.” She wasn’t into complaining and never gave up and I certainly would have if I had to endure what she did. She helped me raise my four daughters when I was a very young mother. When I went back to college she would ask me to stop by and pick up the dinner she made for us. Sometimes I would stay and take a 20 minute nap before relieving the babysitter. Oh and when I was newly married and would complain about hubs she would tell me how wonderful he was and how blessed I was. That was probably her biggest gift.
Yes we do tend to make mountains out of mole hills. I think it’s the instant gratification thing we are accustomed to. We never know what anything is for and we can’t see the big picture. That’s what I like to remember anyway.
The house we thought we were going to buy last year after selling ours didn’t work out. We decided to go into an apartment and wait rather than make a decision we would regret. We plan on being in it a couple more months we have a bid on one right now. When we want to complain about the apartment I’ll talk about the people who lost everything in the tornadoes in the spring. It puts thinks in perspective.
Thanks for sharing your story about your Aunt, I had to laugh about the soap opera silence;)
Your mum was a great source of learning for you Tess and I love her sentiments all wrapped up in her love for you. Good luck with the new home, when we wait we don’t jump in and later regret it. Wonder how much of your mum’s head is on when you made that decision? She’s become you!!!